


One Last Time

by islandahgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Desperation, Friends to Lovers, Goodbye Sex, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 01:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18085127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandahgase/pseuds/islandahgase
Summary: Sometimes going from best friends to lovers doesn't always work outInspired by : Margie Saunders version of One Last Time





	One Last Time

#  One Last Time

Jaebum looked at him with glistening eyes as he pushed. “Please, Mark.”

 

“I can't, Jae,” he hiccuped, standing up.  _ Don't show him how much it hurts.  _ “I have to go.”

 

Jaebum, who stood at the same time with him, caught his wrist. “Mark,” he sobbed.

 

“Why, Jae?” he asked, turning to look at Jaebum. Unable to hold it back anymore, he let the first sob escape him. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“Because it took you walking out on me to realize that I was so very fucking wrong, Mark. It took you leaving me all alone in the darkness to remember how much light you bring in my life. I never should've lied you, Mark, but it was just… it was so much easier, and somewhere along the way, I forgot how to tell the truth. If I had known how much it would hurt you, I never would've lied to you to begin with. I'm so sorry, baby.”

 

He scoffed a laugh, feeling no humor at all. “It’s too late to apologize now, Jae,” he said, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were now spilling down his face as he looked at Jaebum. 

 

****

 

He looked down in shame, his own tears falling to the floor as he nodded his head. “I know,” he said softly in defeat. His voice was rough from holding back his own sobs. Squaring his shoulders, he looked up at Mark. “I just… God, Mark,” he said, stepping forward. “I’m nothing without you, baby,” he whispered, gathering Mark's thin frame in his arms. He clung on to Mark like a life raft. “And I look at you now, and feel like such a failure, because I see how badly I hurt you. I see how all my lies brought you pain. No matter my shortcomings, you always stood by side and I took that for granted. I know he gives you everything, but please, Mark. Just one last time, let me take you home. I don't care if you have him in your heart. I just need to hold you one last time. After that, I'll let you go. You'll never see me again. I'll leave this place.”

 

Mark hesitated and as much as he didn't want to hope, the elder didn't reject him immediately.

 

*****

 

_ One last time _ , he thought to himself.  _ One last time to wake up in Jaebum's arms? _

 

He shook his head, trying to wipe away the memories as he wiped at his tear-stricken face. He pushed the younger away. “I can't believe you. How can you be so selfish? That's it? Just one last time and you'll walk away forever?” he spat, angry at the younger. “Forget it, Jaebum. This,” he emphasized, waving a hand between their chests, “I deserve more than this. I deserve more than just lies.”

 

He turned on his heels. He was about to leave when he heard the last thing he thought would ever hear.

 

“If I can't have you, Mark, I have no reason to be here anymore. I have nothing here without you. I'm  _ nothing  _ without you.”

 

He closed his eyes for a second before he opened them agin and walked out of the restaurant.

 

*****

 

He fell on his knees in the middle of the restaurant, pulling at his already loose tie. He didn’t care about the other patrons looking at him. The air felt too thick, too hard to breathe in. He watched with blurry eyes as Mark walked away from him. The gnawing pain in his chest now felt like a gaping hole.

 

After another minute of fighting to breathe, he mustered as much strength as he could and stood, leaving the restaurant. 

 

_ I need to get out of here. I need air. I need to breathe. I need… _

 

He didn't finish the thought. He didn't need to. He watched who needed get into his car and drive away, leaving him behind. Again.

 

*****

 

He pulled the car over. Leaning his pounding head against the steering wheel, he fought to control his crying. Anger, resentment, distrust. He felt it all for Im Jaebum, but there was no denying that a part of him was still so very much in love with the man. 

 

He and Jaebum were like two peas in a pod, inseparable for as long as he could remember. There was only one moment in his life he could remember that he didn't share with the younger and not a second of it had felt right. 

 

He laughed hysterically at the situation. He had stood in that restaurant and beaten Jaebum down with his accusations when deep down inside, he had been lying to himself as well. As much as Jackson made him happy and content, they were missing the bond he and Jaebum shared - the quiet closeness. Without Jaebum, he didn't feel whole despite how empty the lies had left them. 

 

He knew he didn't deserve the lies. Jaebum had known his aversion to lying, having been let down his entire life, but for as long as he could remember, he had loved only Jaebum with a desperation no one could understand. Jaebum understood him - knew him - completely. He didn't know if he could forgive Jaebum, even just temporarily, but that didn't stop the love he still felt for the man. 

 

As he came to the realization that he still loved Jaebum, fear gripped at his heart and he frantically started his car again.

 

_ I need to find Jaebum. If this is the last time I see him, I don't want to regret it not seeing him one last time.  _

 

*****

 

He wandered the streets of Los Angeles aimlessly until he felt his calves begin ache. The image of Mark's torn expression was one he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life. His chest felt empty. 

 

All he needed was one last time. One last time to beg Mark to forgive him. One last time to wake up with Mark in his arms - to wake up to his beautiful smiling face. 

 

He had screwed things up lying, and eventually fallen into his own web of lies. He had fallen into the fire and became a liar. He hadn't missed the sad look in Mark's eyes as he told lie after lie. He had disregarded all the signs. He had waited too long to want to tell the truth. The truth was he needed Mark like he needed to breath. He had been to scared to fully commit - to scared to fall in too deep. He had been scared he wasn't enough, so instead he had pushed Mark away.

 

Giving up, he hailed a cab and the driver his address. He trudged up the steps and took the elevator. He leaned his head back against the cold metal wall. 

 

The elevator dinged open and he opened his eyes. The blonde hair was first thing he saw, and he was flying out the elevator and into Mark. He hugged Mark close, and just like that, the tears came again. “I'm so sorry, Mark. Please. Please, forgive me. I love you.”

 

Mark clung to him just as desperately. “I'm sorry too, Jaebum.”

 

He buried his nose into Mark's hair, trying to breath in his favorite scent. His clogged up nostrils fought to take in the smell of home. When he couldn't, he pressed his lips to Mark's forehead. “I know you can't forgive, Mark, but please stay.”

 

He felt Mark nod against his chest. He didn't wait for Mark to take back his answer. He unlocked the door to what was once their apartment and just like when they first got the place, he carried Mark inside in his arms. He kicked the door shut and went straight into their bedroom. He placed Mark on the edge of the bed and went on his knees. He took the elder's shoes off and toed his off. 

 

He stood, taking off his coat before sitting on the bed beside Mark. He gathered Mark in his arms and laid back.He closed his eyes.

 

_ I needed this - just this. To go to sleep with Mark in my arms. I needed it if I'm to survive the lonely years ahead of me. If Mark was gone before I wake up, I'll would go peacefully. I made my bed and I'll have to live with the consequences of my actions. If he stays, I'll spend every day of my life making it up to him. _

 

*****

 

He shifted laying his head on Jaebum's chest, placing his hand on Jaebum's heart. The erratic beating made his heart ache. He knew Jaebum was holding in the pain. 

 

Biting his lip, he looked up at Jaebum's face and saw the younger had his eyes shut tightly. Stretching his neck, he kissed Jaebum square on the lips.

 

Jaebum’s eyes flew open with shock, but he didn't pull back.

 

He swallowed. “Just… just one last time, Jae. Make it count,” he begged.

 

*****

 

He choked on a sob as he pulled Mark back in. He poured everything he felt in his heart into the kiss, hoping desperately Mark would understand what he couldn't put into words. 

 

It wasn't long before they were both naked, desperately leaving red streaks across each other’s skin with Mark straddling him. He slid his hand up Mark's chest, tattooing every ridge, swell, and cusp that was Mark in his mind until he got to the elder's neck. He pulled Mark down towards him and crushed their lips together as he reached behind Mark and pressed a lubed finger in passed his rim. An obscene moan fell from his lips and he caught it like he always did. 

 

_ Those are mine, baby,  _ he remembered telling Mark the first time they made love.  _ No one will ever hear your moans. You only moan my name - nothing else.  _

 

A tear slipped from his eyes when Mark moaned his name. The pain in his heart only increased. The knowledge that this may be the last time he made love only made it harder for him, but there was nothing he could deny Mark. 

 

He scissored Mark and watched as the elder's face contorted in ecstasy. “Look at me, baby. I need you to look at me.”

 

Mark's eyes flirted open and his heart clenched.

 

“I love you, Mark Tuan.”

 

A shudder pulsed through Mark and he cursed as Mark's walled clenched around his fingers.

 

“I love seeing you like this. So fucking beautiful, Mark.”

 

With his clean hand, he reached up and cupped Mark's face. As natural as the sun rose, Mark leaned into his hand, purring. 

 

His heart swelled. “My beautiful kitty,” he said smiling through his tears.

 

“Please, Jae. I need you,” Mark pleaded.

 

He placed his thumb on Mark's lower lip, shushing him. “I don't want to hurt you. God, Mark. I haven't been with anyone since you left, I might be too rough.”

 

“I don't care, Jae. Be rough. Make it burn. Make it hurt. Make me always remember it,” Mark hiccuped on his sobs.

 

Shaking his head, he sat up and threw his arms around Mark, hiding his tears in Mark's neck. “I don't want you to remember this. I don't want you to wake up in the morning and regret it. Promise me you'll forget all this. Promise me you'll walk away and leave it behind with me. Don't take this from me too, Mark.”

 

*****

 

Mark’s heart tore then at the desperation in Jaebum's voice. Even as he nodded his head, he knew he was lying. He would remember this night for as long as he lived. 

 

He reached behind him and guided Jaebum in slowly. As Jaebum breached his entrance, he sucked in a breath, pausing in his descend. He bit his lip, biting back the moan. Jaebum stretched his neck and kissed him softly as he lowered himself. 

 

When he was fully seated, they both sighed. Slow and deliberate, they took their time. Searing touches. Burning kisses. They savored one another until it all became too much, too little and Jaebum turned them over, taking the reins from him.

 

He picked up a fast pace, his arms still holding him close. Their sweaty slick body glided smoothly against one another. The sound of Jaebum's balls slapping his ass was loud and lewd in the room, but he could care less. They only served to turn him on more. 

 

He began to quiver and shudder, and Jaebum took it as a cue that he was close. The younger wrapped a hand around his cock, pumping it in time with his thrust and his orgasm slammed into him.

 

*****

 

His balls were tightening with each thrust. His cock was impossibly hard and spitting precum with each thrust. He was so close to cumming. 

 

Thankfully, Mark's eyes locked with his. For a second, he caught the look Mark used to give him, and that was all he needed to go huddling over the edge. His entire body shook with his orgasm. 

 

Weakly, he collapsed on Mark and the elder simply tightened his arms and legs around him, cradling him close. Mark's cum glued them together, but he could care less. In a strange way, it was like Mark was branding him - marking what was his. He would proudly wear that mark for as long as he lived. He rolled to his side, taking Mark with him and not pulling out. 

 

After a while, Mark began to grow heavy on his arm. He knew the elder was close to falling asleep. “Sleep, baby.”

 

“Need to take a shower,” Mark mumbled.

 

He shook his head, tightening his arms. “Sleep. I'll clean you up in a bit.”

 

Too tired to protest, Mark instantly fell asleep. When he was sure Mark was sleeping deeply, he pulled out and walked into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and examined himself.  _ You bastard. He was happy and now, if he wakes up confused, it'll only be your fault again.  _ He nearly fell to the floor if he didn't catch himself on the edge of the sink counter. He closed his eyes and more tears fell.

 

When he finally pulled himself together, he cleaned himself up before he took a clean towel out and dampened it with warm water. He brought it back into the room and cleaned Mark up, gently wiping at his cum covered chest. When he was done, he threw the towel through the bathroom door and laid back in bed, pulling Mark into his arms again. 

 

“You have no idea how sorry I am, Mark. If I could go back in time, I change everything. From the moment you gave yourself to me until the day you walked out on me, I would change everything. If I could, I would take back every lie I ever told you. I don't deserve you. I never did. The best thing I could do for you now is let you go. I've caused you too much pain, but I want you to know that I will always love you.”

 

*****

 

Mark opened his eyes and looked around their room one last time. The knife in his heart tugged and the cut began to bleed again. He looked up at Jaebum and lifted a hand to cup his cheek. Tears began to form in his eyes. 

 

“I'm so sorry, Jaebum. I'm so sorry that all the years we spent growing up together couldn't prepare you for my love for you.”

 

*****

 

Jaebum zipped his luggage and looked around the room one last time before he lifted his luggage and placed it on its wheels on the floor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper. He sat on the bed and unfolded it.

 

_ Jae, _

 

_ I know it's cowardly of me to leave while you're still asleep, but I can't do as you ask. I can't forget what happened last night, so I regret every moment of it because I will always remember it for as long as I live.  _

 

_ I love you  _ so _ much, Jae, but  _ that's _ the problem. I’ve loved you for so long that I forgot how to love myself. Somewhere along the way, we forgot who we were. Or maybe it was around the time puberty hit and the reality of adulthood began to descend on us. You weren't ready to commit and we both weren't ready to be alone. I think in our haste and desperation we grasped and clung to each other like drowning men in a storm.  _

 

_ It's time, Jae. We need to let each other go, so we can both grow. If we don't, we'll just grow to hate each other. I love you too much to lose you. I would rather remain your friend forever than to lose you altogether. I hope, one day, you'll find someone that will love you more than I do, but more importantly, you can love more than me.  _

 

_ Always, _

 

_ Mark _

 

He folded the paper and tucked it in his pocket. He stood and went over to the writing desk. He pulled out the packet of papers and signed his name.

 

_ If a divorce is what Mark wants, I owe him that much. I tried and now, I'll have to respect his wishes. If he loves me as much as he says he does, he'll come back to me. _

**Author's Note:**

> Ummm yeah I hate Jaebutt this week . That body roll destroyed me


End file.
